found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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