i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
