yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
