She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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