The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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