my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
