how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it glows. i had to have it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
