Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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