lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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