Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
