Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
