hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
