i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
