Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize