no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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