I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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