you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
