So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
