you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
