I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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