yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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