I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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