You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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