What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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