some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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