do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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