rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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