6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
