I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
