Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize