No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
