Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
