somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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