pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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