im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
