I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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