you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
