We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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