One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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