I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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