The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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