Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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