Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
