mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
