I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
bring money and cleavage
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
