please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
