Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
