I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
