This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
