I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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