How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
