I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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