PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
