I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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