dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
