so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
