Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
