Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
