I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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