My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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