i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
