i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
