I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
