Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
