Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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