sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
