Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
