they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
